I saw a man sitting alone on a bench outside the elementary school on my way home yesterday. He was staring blankly at the ground, back hunched over as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him and posture was out of the question.
That man looks so sad, I thought. I wonder if he's doing alright.
As I began passing I said "hello" and a heart felt, REAL "how are you doing?"
A somber, "Fine" was what I got.
Brain turmoil. Tug o' war in the brain.
I've been trying this thing where I don't ask "how's it goin?" unless I really have time to listen, and I really honestly want to hear the answer.
I took a couple steps.
That's it? You're just gonna walk by? What if he needs someone to care... just turn around and ask if he's really alright, what's the worst that could happen? ....Ummm...he could hear me.
I literally paused mid step, studder stepped, almost turned around, but pressed on. All this stuff flashed through my brain about what's wrong with the world today, and how we forget to support each other and find value in what TRULY matters. Then I thought these words, and I knew I was gonna turn around....
CARE Tara. Choose to care.
I was already like 15 feet away, but I turned around and started bridging the distance, somewhat awkwardly.
"Are you sure you're doing alright?" I said when I'd come close enough.
"Yeah, I'm just waiting for my daughter to pick her up." Smile/I was spacing out for a bit but I really am ok, look.
"Alright, just checking."
"Thanks for asking."
"No problem"
I turned around and continued to walk home, so glad for the mildly awkward encounter. Glad because I let love drive me, not fear or pride.
Imagine what this world would look like if this is what we practiced EVERY DAY. If we forgot about the social walls and the acceptance scale and our stupid schedules. If we were the musketeer Christians shouting "All for One and One for all!", recognizing that we are all broken, and all in need of support. Seeking to be people who think about self LESS and LOVE more.
Selfless. More love.
Even though I'm sure I didn't do anything for that man, and to you it may seem completely unnecessary, it was necessary for me. Because the more I make decisions like that, the easier they'll be. And that's what I want my life to be. I want my life to be driven by love and acceptance, not fear, pride, and insecurities. I want to practice loving. All the time. And someday maybe practice will make me closer to Christ, closer to perfect.
Wow, Tara. That is a STELLAR blog. That is an awesome thing to do...not ask "How's it going?" unless you really mean it and have time to listen. I have been challenged...you are my hero.
ReplyDeleteI really like that you do that, not ask, unless you have time to listen. I try to do the same thing also because I myself don't appreciate the feeling of someone asking and not caring. This was really an awesome blog, because letting love drive us is a powerful thing to practice. And I'm glad this story was a big deal, even though it might not seem like it in the big perspective of things. Awesome job, and I'm going to remember this when I feel fear, insecurities, or my own pride start to creep in when I know I should be truly caring about others. Everyone wants the same thing.. to be loved
ReplyDeleteI feel like I can cope with the man sitting on the bench, just spacing out... thanks for coming back and showing that you cared! You have a good heart Tara and you inspire me. Love you!
ReplyDeleteWhat you did is so hard to do... it's so hard to fight against awkwardness and embarrassment. I loose that battle all the time. Unfortunately, much MORE often I don't even enter that battle. Good for you. But really. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteTara! I was just thinking about blogging about that! Crazy! I just hate it when people ask, "how are you?" as they pass on the sidewalk. In my opinion, it would just be much more meaningful to say, "Hey _______ (name)." There is something about hearing someone else say your name that is meaningful. Is that vain? I don't know, but I do know that this blog is awesome. I'm impressed that you turned around - it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI was in a counseling class once in undergrad and we had to interview other classmates for practice. My turn came to be interviewed and when my classmate asked me about how I was doing, I couldn't pretend that everything was alright. I was having an awful semester and considering dropping out of school... There, in front of the entire class, I basically let everyone know that my inner life was painful. And afterward, nobody said anything to me about it--not even the professor, not any of the students, either: except one. She was the only one taking the class as an elective. She sent a flower and a card to my dorm room, and she may never have known how much that meant to me. In fact, I bet she was kind of embarrassed to send it; we barely knew each other. So I'm always inspired by that girl when I'm afraid that really caring is going to end up awkward or embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm inspired by you too, Tara :)
You're my hero today. You mastered the awkwardness and did what should be done. I have these real serious moments sometimes, like you had, where I kick myself for not asking "how's it going?" in sincerity. Or I kick myself for not giving a hitchhiker a ride, because I know what's it's like for them. Or for taking notice of pain, and doing nothing about it-saying nothing about it. Lame, I know.
ReplyDeleteForgive me for letting everyone else say the really important parts and stuff, but I just had to ask if "musketeer christians" was your phrase. I love it. Also, as of three minutes ago, we've had 19 responses to our survey. Oh, and this might not make sense or seem relevant, I suppose it's really not, but the word verification thing it's asking me for below is "hatinge." Weird, huh? ha...
ReplyDeleteThis might be my favorite of your blogs ever. it is so good. i so desperately want to break down those social walls to be willing to reach out, but I rarely if ever do. thanks for the inspiration!
ReplyDeletei am so admiring you right now. that is totally something i always want to do, but never ACTUALLY do. way to be an example;)
ReplyDeleteThank you Tara B. You inspire me just like you inspired me to longboard. BTW I bought a longboard the other day! So sweet.
ReplyDeletetara bear...you seriously have a talent, whether you know it or not. i think you could make the meanest person in the ad building smile back at you, and if the guy really did have problems, i bet you actually could have gotten him to tell you. way to always be looking for ways to support others, for not caring for you look, and acting out your personal convictions! keep up the work and dont get discouraged!
ReplyDeleteA 10.
ReplyDeleteSelfless. I'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteYes
ReplyDelete-Al Pal