full speed.

It was a good day.

It was a really, really good day.

The girls and I have become much closer over the past couple days. When Amanda and I walk into the compound we are now greeted with "Hola Senorita Tara! Hola Senorita Amanda!" They're excited to see us...yes!

These girls here...man...they are starting to crawl into my heart. Every day the little valves are opening, and they just crawl right in, making themselves real comfortable. Some of them have just pulled up a chair and propped their feet up. And they can stay there forever, as far as I'm concerned. One of the things I wish though is that I could speak their language. Their verbal language. I get by pretty well with lots of hugs and smiles and the spanish that I know...oh but if I could talk to them, like REALLY talk to them...huge avenues would open up and we could just drive on through.

There's a girl here, her name is Kayla. She has a four year old son who is a "special needs" child, as they say (the story behind that breaks my heart). Anyway, Kayla is really quiet. She's older than the other girls, and a little more mature...so she's kind of a loner. But she's SUCH a good mom, and she's SO sweet. We took all the girls to the pool today, and she swam for a little bit but then she got out and was chillin on the benches for the rest of the time. I've been watching her and trying a little harder to connect with her because I see that the other don't pay much attention to her. Anyway, tonight we painted our nails with stickers and clear nail polish and I sat down beside her and told her that her nails were "muy bonita". She shook her head and leaned over to me, getting really close to my ear and said in slow, but clear english "I am ugly. Yo soy feo. Pero you are very pretty." Heart. Break. I would have done ANYTHING to be able to communicate more clearly in that moment. I told her that she WAS beautiful on the inside and out. I told her to look at me, and believe me when I said that she was not only adorable on the outside, but that her heart is good. And...that's all I could communicate. I couldn't go into detail about all the things I've seen her do this week...or how I was just thinking that she looked really cute and I should have told her before...but I couldnt' do any of that. Nothing. These girls have been told pretty much their whole lives that they're disposable, worthless, not deserving of respect...and it breaks my heart.

I don't know what God has planned for me...I honestly have no idea. But if someday He calls me to a place like this and says, "These girls Tara, love THESE girls"..I'd do it. It's been so good for me here because it's helped me realize that it's not all rainbows and butterflies when you do things like this. It's hard. Really, really hard. You have to show them ALL the different forms of love...including tough love.

Anyway, we leave Iquitos early Saturday morning, so tomorrow is our last day. In the middle of the week I thought I'd be ready...but just kidding, I'm not.