It was a good day.
It was a really, really good day.
The girls and I have become much closer over the past couple days. When Amanda and I walk into the compound we are now greeted with "Hola Senorita Tara! Hola Senorita Amanda!" They're excited to see us...yes!
These girls here...man...they are starting to crawl into my heart. Every day the little valves are opening, and they just crawl right in, making themselves real comfortable. Some of them have just pulled up a chair and propped their feet up. And they can stay there forever, as far as I'm concerned. One of the things I wish though is that I could speak their language. Their verbal language. I get by pretty well with lots of hugs and smiles and the spanish that I know...oh but if I could talk to them, like REALLY talk to them...huge avenues would open up and we could just drive on through.
There's a girl here, her name is Kayla. She has a four year old son who is a "special needs" child, as they say (the story behind that breaks my heart). Anyway, Kayla is really quiet. She's older than the other girls, and a little more mature...so she's kind of a loner. But she's SUCH a good mom, and she's SO sweet. We took all the girls to the pool today, and she swam for a little bit but then she got out and was chillin on the benches for the rest of the time. I've been watching her and trying a little harder to connect with her because I see that the other don't pay much attention to her. Anyway, tonight we painted our nails with stickers and clear nail polish and I sat down beside her and told her that her nails were "muy bonita". She shook her head and leaned over to me, getting really close to my ear and said in slow, but clear english "I am ugly. Yo soy feo. Pero you are very pretty." Heart. Break. I would have done ANYTHING to be able to communicate more clearly in that moment. I told her that she WAS beautiful on the inside and out. I told her to look at me, and believe me when I said that she was not only adorable on the outside, but that her heart is good. And...that's all I could communicate. I couldn't go into detail about all the things I've seen her do this week...or how I was just thinking that she looked really cute and I should have told her before...but I couldnt' do any of that. Nothing. These girls have been told pretty much their whole lives that they're disposable, worthless, not deserving of respect...and it breaks my heart.
I don't know what God has planned for me...I honestly have no idea. But if someday He calls me to a place like this and says, "These girls Tara, love THESE girls"..I'd do it. It's been so good for me here because it's helped me realize that it's not all rainbows and butterflies when you do things like this. It's hard. Really, really hard. You have to show them ALL the different forms of love...including tough love.
Anyway, we leave Iquitos early Saturday morning, so tomorrow is our last day. In the middle of the week I thought I'd be ready...but just kidding, I'm not.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
gaining speed
Every time I sit down to write a blog I get overwhelmed. There's too much to say, too many new things...too many thoughts.
Do I tell the funny stories, the gross ones, or the sad ones? Do I tell you what I'm feeling, thinking, doing, praying? Should I talk about how the language barrier is frustrating and exciting at the same time, and that I actually kind of enjoy making a fool of myself as long as I'm learning? Should I tell you that I almost cried today out of discouragement because I felt like I was too idealistic in my expectations for connecting with these girls? But then tell you how the rest of the day unfolded into laughter and bonding? Or maybe I should tell you that there's a girl name Elvira here who I absolutely adore, who has a son that is three years old that fell asleep on my lap today. I could also go into detail about how I felt when I heard all nine of the girls' stories today, and what it made my heart do. I could probably talk about how I swallowed a hair in my food yesterday and couldn't stop thinking about it for a good two hours (I have a pretty extreme phobia of hair). Or I could try to explain the AWESOMENESS that takes place on these roads. There are NO rules, and everyone drives around in these three wheeled motor cars. Last night we packed four of us in one of those little things and drove on this bumpy dirt road while a lightning storm came.
I could talk about the doubting slash equally confirming thoughts I've had about what I'm doing with my life and where I'm going...but those aren't formulated yet so maybe that little can of worms can just stay tight for a bit. Oh, I also could talk about how I held a monkey today, I walk by two huge parrots every time I go to my room (we're trying to teach them how to sing "la cucaracha"), there are salamanders crawling all over the walls, and I've seen two HUGE cockroaches in the house (bigger than the one we found Chels!).
But none of these things would even come close to explaining to you this experience. Every day is new. There are new things every day...pretty much every hour. I will tell you that I'm more convinced than ever that I want to learn Spanish. I really am having so much fun trying to learn and saying things wrong all the time (even though I'm actually surprised at how much I'm able to say and communicate). They'll giggle...but they'll correct me and appreciate that I'm trying...and then I get to laugh at myself too, which has become a great form of entertainment for all. ADVENTURE!!
I'm gonna try to get some pictures up sometime soon. I'll put faces with some names...and then I'll start telling you about the people.
I gotta go now though, tomorrow we get a 7am wake up call to go help with purchasing at the market. Heeck yea!
Do I tell the funny stories, the gross ones, or the sad ones? Do I tell you what I'm feeling, thinking, doing, praying? Should I talk about how the language barrier is frustrating and exciting at the same time, and that I actually kind of enjoy making a fool of myself as long as I'm learning? Should I tell you that I almost cried today out of discouragement because I felt like I was too idealistic in my expectations for connecting with these girls? But then tell you how the rest of the day unfolded into laughter and bonding? Or maybe I should tell you that there's a girl name Elvira here who I absolutely adore, who has a son that is three years old that fell asleep on my lap today. I could also go into detail about how I felt when I heard all nine of the girls' stories today, and what it made my heart do. I could probably talk about how I swallowed a hair in my food yesterday and couldn't stop thinking about it for a good two hours (I have a pretty extreme phobia of hair). Or I could try to explain the AWESOMENESS that takes place on these roads. There are NO rules, and everyone drives around in these three wheeled motor cars. Last night we packed four of us in one of those little things and drove on this bumpy dirt road while a lightning storm came.
I could talk about the doubting slash equally confirming thoughts I've had about what I'm doing with my life and where I'm going...but those aren't formulated yet so maybe that little can of worms can just stay tight for a bit. Oh, I also could talk about how I held a monkey today, I walk by two huge parrots every time I go to my room (we're trying to teach them how to sing "la cucaracha"), there are salamanders crawling all over the walls, and I've seen two HUGE cockroaches in the house (bigger than the one we found Chels!).
But none of these things would even come close to explaining to you this experience. Every day is new. There are new things every day...pretty much every hour. I will tell you that I'm more convinced than ever that I want to learn Spanish. I really am having so much fun trying to learn and saying things wrong all the time (even though I'm actually surprised at how much I'm able to say and communicate). They'll giggle...but they'll correct me and appreciate that I'm trying...and then I get to laugh at myself too, which has become a great form of entertainment for all. ADVENTURE!!
I'm gonna try to get some pictures up sometime soon. I'll put faces with some names...and then I'll start telling you about the people.
I gotta go now though, tomorrow we get a 7am wake up call to go help with purchasing at the market. Heeck yea!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
it's starting
As I write this I am laying in a hammock, in the most awesome tree house I have ever seen. There are like, six floors, with hammocks stationed on each one. Paul’s adopted daughters (Candy and Martha) wanted to go swimming, so Amanda and I brought them here to this incredible pool with a fountain.
Below this little haven I can hear Spanish music blasting…probably from a stand on the side of the road, there is a child screaming, a dog barking, people laughing, and now I can hear boys giggling as they climb up these ladders…probably on their way up to where I’m at. But up here it’s nice…cause I can get away and think.
We went out to eat with the girls from Poppy’s house tonight (that’s the name of the home that all of the girls stay). There are 9 girls, and three of them have kids. Some of them are between 12 and 16…and I think a couple might be in their 20s? We haven’t had very many opportunities to hang out with these girls yet, they just got done with their summer school finals, and Amanda and I have been settling in and hanging out with Paul and the girls…so this was my first opportunity to really talk to any of the girls. And when I say “talk” I mean…well…have broken conversation. I sat next to a girl named Victoria last night on the bus on the way home. At first she was indifferent…answering my questions, but not really interested in talking to me. But after I persisted a little more and started asking her what she liked to do she started to open up and actually ask me some questions. Connection. Yes. We laughed and took pictures, I told her to make a silly face…and at first she resisted..but then she finally kinda stuck out her tongue. Man…the power of smiles and laughter and love… what a beautiful combination.
Tonight we’re going to go over to Poppy’s house and talk to the staff about the things we can do with the girls while we’re there. I bought a lot of crafty things before I came (like tie dye, puff paint, markers, clay, etc.) and we’re hoping to incorporate those things into some kind of lesson that we want to get across to them this week. All of these girls have come from an abusive home, and nearly all of them were sexually abused. There’s so much brokenness inside all of their eyes…but when they laugh…sigh…my heart swells.
Candy just came up to get me, she is so cute. She doesn’t speak English as well as Martha…but she is seriously so sweet. She’s…18? Studying to be a doctor. They want me to come and swim…but I gave my swimsuit to Amanda. But apparently Amanda has some master plan to get around that little issue “Come talk to Amanda, she speak English better.”
Anyway, there’s an update for you. It’s hard for me to write these because there’s so much…but yet not enough yet. I haven’t started working with the girls yet…so I don’t know what’s going to happen or how that will effect maybe what I want to do in the future. But just from last night I can feel my heart starting to connect…and that’s when things start happening for me. So I’m sorry that this isn’t very descriptive, and I’m sorry it’s not written super well. Bottom line is that I’m starting to really connect with people here, my Spanish is rough and I laugh at myself a lot..but I’m getting it, the heat is ridiculous here and I may actually come back with a tan (but don’t get too jealous…it may just be an awful burn), and I can feel God working.
Ok now Martha just yelled at me…something about swimming in my underwear. Gotta go friends. Blessings!
Below this little haven I can hear Spanish music blasting…probably from a stand on the side of the road, there is a child screaming, a dog barking, people laughing, and now I can hear boys giggling as they climb up these ladders…probably on their way up to where I’m at. But up here it’s nice…cause I can get away and think.
We went out to eat with the girls from Poppy’s house tonight (that’s the name of the home that all of the girls stay). There are 9 girls, and three of them have kids. Some of them are between 12 and 16…and I think a couple might be in their 20s? We haven’t had very many opportunities to hang out with these girls yet, they just got done with their summer school finals, and Amanda and I have been settling in and hanging out with Paul and the girls…so this was my first opportunity to really talk to any of the girls. And when I say “talk” I mean…well…have broken conversation. I sat next to a girl named Victoria last night on the bus on the way home. At first she was indifferent…answering my questions, but not really interested in talking to me. But after I persisted a little more and started asking her what she liked to do she started to open up and actually ask me some questions. Connection. Yes. We laughed and took pictures, I told her to make a silly face…and at first she resisted..but then she finally kinda stuck out her tongue. Man…the power of smiles and laughter and love… what a beautiful combination.
Tonight we’re going to go over to Poppy’s house and talk to the staff about the things we can do with the girls while we’re there. I bought a lot of crafty things before I came (like tie dye, puff paint, markers, clay, etc.) and we’re hoping to incorporate those things into some kind of lesson that we want to get across to them this week. All of these girls have come from an abusive home, and nearly all of them were sexually abused. There’s so much brokenness inside all of their eyes…but when they laugh…sigh…my heart swells.
Candy just came up to get me, she is so cute. She doesn’t speak English as well as Martha…but she is seriously so sweet. She’s…18? Studying to be a doctor. They want me to come and swim…but I gave my swimsuit to Amanda. But apparently Amanda has some master plan to get around that little issue “Come talk to Amanda, she speak English better.”
Anyway, there’s an update for you. It’s hard for me to write these because there’s so much…but yet not enough yet. I haven’t started working with the girls yet…so I don’t know what’s going to happen or how that will effect maybe what I want to do in the future. But just from last night I can feel my heart starting to connect…and that’s when things start happening for me. So I’m sorry that this isn’t very descriptive, and I’m sorry it’s not written super well. Bottom line is that I’m starting to really connect with people here, my Spanish is rough and I laugh at myself a lot..but I’m getting it, the heat is ridiculous here and I may actually come back with a tan (but don’t get too jealous…it may just be an awful burn), and I can feel God working.
Ok now Martha just yelled at me…something about swimming in my underwear. Gotta go friends. Blessings!
Friday, February 26, 2010
estoy aqui!
I'm here!
Currently I am sitting in the compound...the sun is setting, and it's starting to cool down. Guys, it is HUMID here. My hair is PERFECT for this place!
Amanda and I met up at the airport in Atlanta and enjoyed a plane ride full of playing Bejewled on the little touch screens in front of us, catching up, practicing Spanish, and a whole lot of laughing. Then when we got here Gimbel was here! (Ben and Nick, I have yet to do what you asked...but I will, promise?)
We had our first encounter with the communication barrier last night. This worker at the airport was trying to tell us that we needed to pay an airport fee, but we thought that we had already done all we needed to do...but neither of us could communicate that so we just stared at each other. Kind of trying to communicate? But kind of knowing that we didn't know how. So I just started giggling while Amanda tried to use hand motions and things. It was just such a funny awkward moment. We got it figured out eventually, but for awhile there it was a little rough. I'm gonna giggle a lot this trip, I think.
Paul took us to the market tonight. How is it that I can take a 6 hours plane ride and land in a place completely opposite from where I come from? How does this happen? Why didn't they get a better start, and why won't they have a better end? The people here are so sweet, but some of them you look into their eyes and you just know that life has done them wrong. Ugh.
I love the kids here you guys. I haven't been able to love on any of them yet...but I will...and then I think my heart will start to attach, and who knows where I go from there.
Anyway, there's a quick update. Just spit out on the page for you. I'll do more when I get a chance.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers friends. Until next time....adios!
Currently I am sitting in the compound...the sun is setting, and it's starting to cool down. Guys, it is HUMID here. My hair is PERFECT for this place!
Amanda and I met up at the airport in Atlanta and enjoyed a plane ride full of playing Bejewled on the little touch screens in front of us, catching up, practicing Spanish, and a whole lot of laughing. Then when we got here Gimbel was here! (Ben and Nick, I have yet to do what you asked...but I will, promise?)
We had our first encounter with the communication barrier last night. This worker at the airport was trying to tell us that we needed to pay an airport fee, but we thought that we had already done all we needed to do...but neither of us could communicate that so we just stared at each other. Kind of trying to communicate? But kind of knowing that we didn't know how. So I just started giggling while Amanda tried to use hand motions and things. It was just such a funny awkward moment. We got it figured out eventually, but for awhile there it was a little rough. I'm gonna giggle a lot this trip, I think.
Paul took us to the market tonight. How is it that I can take a 6 hours plane ride and land in a place completely opposite from where I come from? How does this happen? Why didn't they get a better start, and why won't they have a better end? The people here are so sweet, but some of them you look into their eyes and you just know that life has done them wrong. Ugh.
I love the kids here you guys. I haven't been able to love on any of them yet...but I will...and then I think my heart will start to attach, and who knows where I go from there.
Anyway, there's a quick update. Just spit out on the page for you. I'll do more when I get a chance.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers friends. Until next time....adios!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
ready. set. GO.
Here I sit. My suitcase is open, almost full. There are Walmart bags everywhere, deflated soccer balls at my feet, and packages of pop tarts scattered on the floor. It's almost done. I'm almost packed. Jessi just brought over her travel bottles and head lamp that she's letting me borrow. Check. One more thing done.
Tomorrow will be the finish line, I won't do anymore tonight. It's late...and I'm tired.
People have been asking me all day if I'm excited. At the beginning my response was, "I'm overwhelmed", in the middle it was "I will be when I get everything packed", and now here at the end I think I'm just...amazed.
Amazed that one day this summer a friend and I sat at a coffee shop talking about our hopes and dreams, and this idea was born. And now I'm going.
I'm amazed that I said I was going to do it...and then I did.
May THIS be the pattern of my life. I have big dreams and high hopes for my future, but those don't mean much unless I apply action to those words.
Step one starts tomorrow. I'm not sure how many steps I'll have to take to get where I'm going, but as long as I keep taking them....that's alright with me.
Thanks for your prayers and support friends, they honestly mean so much to me.
Ready. Set. GO.
Tomorrow will be the finish line, I won't do anymore tonight. It's late...and I'm tired.
People have been asking me all day if I'm excited. At the beginning my response was, "I'm overwhelmed", in the middle it was "I will be when I get everything packed", and now here at the end I think I'm just...amazed.
Amazed that one day this summer a friend and I sat at a coffee shop talking about our hopes and dreams, and this idea was born. And now I'm going.
I'm amazed that I said I was going to do it...and then I did.
May THIS be the pattern of my life. I have big dreams and high hopes for my future, but those don't mean much unless I apply action to those words.
Step one starts tomorrow. I'm not sure how many steps I'll have to take to get where I'm going, but as long as I keep taking them....that's alright with me.
Thanks for your prayers and support friends, they honestly mean so much to me.
Ready. Set. GO.
tomorrow is the day
I leave tomorrow.
TOMORROW.
I still need to:
TOMORROW.
I still need to:
- turn in a paper
- take a test
- get internship information in to my career counselor
- shop for peru, and everything that entails
- pack
- sew some stuff (if I have time)
- prepare my brain
- prepare my heart
- prepare.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
on another note
boys: you're not listening.
girls: you're making it too complicated.
Human kind: Let's love better.
girls: you're making it too complicated.
Human kind: Let's love better.
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