Sunday, June 12, 2011

really? really.

I woke up this morning with part of my eye sealed shut.

Wait a minute... I've had this before... dangit! ... do I have pink-eye again!?

I crawled out of my friend Lindsey's bed and made my way to the bathroom. Yup. There's the goop, there's the pink, there's the frustrated face of Tara. Wham bam, NO thank you ma'am, I have pink-eye.

For those of you who don't know, I had pink-eye TWICE in February. It was ridiculous, and frustrating, and all around inconvenient. So having it now, again, feels extra discouraging.

I think it's also discouraging because it's kind of the icing on the not-so-good-cake when it comes to these past two weeks. These past two weeks have been rough, to be honest.



I just want to feel like my life is making sense. I want to feel like it is full and good and on the right track. But when you add up worries of work, the heart, broken friendships, India, finances, insecurities, my lack of spirituality, and the ever constant feeling of just not quite being enough of what I'm 'supposed' to be being--somehow life loses its zest. And, frankly, I'm tired of not feeling zesty. I'm super tired of it.

Camp MiVoden and Wawona are starting up today. Many of my closest friends are gearing up for a summer filled with sun, children, laughing, and memories. I wish I was there with them. It's kind of lonely knowing that they're off the communication grid for a couple of months. Camp is a different world--and when you're in that world it's hard to make time to connect with people who aren't in it. And I think the anticipation of that has made me kind of bummed.

It's a funny thing, this working-woman life. You have to be really intentional about how you spend your time--and thus far I've kind of sucked at it. Eck. Actually, I don't really feel like writing about that. I've written enough about melancholy things for one post. Someday though I'm going to purge my brain of these thoughts I have on being in the "real world" as we call it--whatever that means.

Until then, it's time for more drops in this itchy eye of mine.