Sunday, July 31, 2011

for navya.

One week from today India is going to be calling my name--shouting it, actually. Me and five of my good friends will be on a plane, about to get our worlds rocked and our lives changed.

But before any of that happens, you've got to be ready for it. Ready in a lot of ways, but right now I'm talkin' about physically ready. Like, packed, planned and prepared. I am none of these things. I'm concerned that I won't be any of these things until the night before--and that will just not do. So today I decided to knock out one of the big things on my list.

One of the many things I'm excited about for this trip is meeting the little girl I sponsored through World Vision. EXCITING! Her name is Navya, she just turned six, she likes to jump rope, and she's adorable. ADORABLE. It's so crazy but I already feel so much love in my heart for her. I think about her often and really pray that she has food in her belly and laughter in her heart. I can't wait to meet her, I really can't.

So, one of the big things on my list was to make something for her--something meaningful that she could keep for a long time. Chris Clouzet and Emily Wilkens voted a backpack. So a backpack it is...

Our living room is a mess. A disaster, really. I'm surrounded by thread, pins, and fabric, and having a hard time motivating myself to clean it up. It turns out that little baby backpacks made with love take about six hours to make. Jessi was a good cheerleader all the way through, coming in clutch for the hard decisions, like fabric colors and strap length.

Tomorrow is going to be crazy--and then it will snowball from there, probably. From now on checking one thing a day off the list isn't going to cut it. Well, two things, I need a shower, and that's definitely happening tonight.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

it's of the essence.

Dear Time,

I don’t get you. I really don’t. You seem to be a little confused, if I’m being brutally honest, and I thought I’d take this opportunity to point out how you’re doing it wrong (people love that).

Now, don’t let this go to your head but I’ve been thinking about you a lot. And I think the problem is that you’re too empathetic. You want to feel the way that I’m feeling so you end up mirroring where I’m at instead of trying to balance things out. This is not necessary, dear Time.

You see, when I’m having fun, I need you to put your cape away. I know there’s something in you that makes you want to just soar when I’m having a good time—but I’m gonna need you to chill out in those moments—these are the times when I need you to drag your feet.

You know when I don’t need you to drag your feet? When I’m heartbroken. When I don’t get what God is doing. When it’s 3pm on a workday. When I have to pee and it’s 40 miles to the next gas station. Those are the times when I need you to do your make-days-seem-like-minutes bit.

I feel like I spend my life waiting for you to pull back curtains and show me what you’re up to—and you seem to drag that process out until I actually forget that I’m waiting for you. That’s your proudest moment isn’t it? When one day I wake up and realize that I don’t need you any more—I no longer yearn for you to heal and I no longer yearn for you to tell—because you’ve already done it with a subtlety only you can achieve.

So, I guess what I’m saying is… you’re unpredictable and I’m impatient…I'm trying to pin you down and you're trying to be illusive...and I wish that one of those variables were different. But, seeing as here on this earth we play by your rules, I guess it's me that needs to change, you stinker. So here's what I've decided--I’m going to trust that you know what you’re doing. After all, you have yet to let me down. So cheers to you, dear Time, that's quite the power you've got. Use it wisely will you?

Sunday, July 3, 2011

fight for your right to party

I have six or seven unpublished posts in my "edit posts" bin. There have been a lot of things I've wanted to write down, remember, get your reactions from, or vent about--but I always seem to get pulled away just as my body starts to sink into the hot tub of blissful writing mode.

That's kind of my life lately, really. I've had the wonderful privilege to have visitors for the past couple weeks--but that makes for a lot of fun and not a lot of down time. And this girl needs down time--especially lately.

We're going to India in about a month. Is that right? Oh man. One month. One month to buy tickets, get visas, order supplies, PLAN the trip, pack, do, a, bunch, of, other, random, things, and remember to breathe. There have been countless times during this process where I've had to REMIND myself who this is for and why it's all worth it. Because, MAN, it has been quite the journey.

The weather has been amazing for the last few days here in Seattle. And when lady Seattle chooses to drop her cloak of gloom and rain, you get to see her for what she really is--a sight to behold. Everything is lush and green, with white tipped mountains that stand proudly on each side like the Queen's guards --with Her Highness, Mt. Rainier, looking down at us with a powerful presence that I'll never be able to articulate.

I was complaining about never seeing this beauty because of the rain and one of my friends said, "Yeah but if you didn't have the rain this city wouldn't be half as beautiful."

It's the rain that does it. It's the rain that's going to make India sweeter, my pride take a bow, my heart grow stronger, and my communication get better. There's been a lot of stuff to deal with in these past months, but I'm coming to a place where that's okay. It's all part of the process and part of the growth--and if it's hard, that probably means there's something beautiful and good coming. That's the hope, anyway.