Friday, October 23, 2009


This morning...was magical.

I woke up listening to the rain beat down on the roof, and my roommate's steady sleepy breathes right next to me. I opened my eyes and immediately smiled.

Magic, I thought.

It's not every day that you get to wake up in a fort, next to a dear friend, listening to nature doing its nature thing.

Life is good my friends. Magic happens, every day. We just need to train our eyes to see it.

Documented magic moments:

the fort.

the adventurers.

the pals for life.

the fabricated magic that will forever me a magical memory.

the old high school crew. still bonded after 4 years.

the wedding partiers that the wedding planner wasn't too stoked about.

the wedding. rika and aaron's. magic. friends come together. magic.

the lasting friendship, though separated for years. magic.

the new ones. that became like old ones fast. magic.

There are more. More pictures. More undocumented magical moments. Infinitely more.

Thank you my God, for bringing on the magic.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

the best.

This is Kati Winkle. Also known as Kates.

She's in India right now, doing God's work. But REALLY doing God's work.

This girl knows how to LIVE and how to LOVE. She knows what's important and seeks to live her life around that knowledge.

I just got a letter from her. From India. On the envelope it says "AIR MAIL", which might be one of my favorite things about it. One swift plane ride broke down barriers of distance and time, sending a message of love and support from half a world away.

This girl is a TRUE BLUE friend.

Thanks Kates. For the letter and the shirt. The love. The support. The example. And inspiring me every day to be a better person.

Miss you friend, you're the best.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I'm irresponsible.


I said it.

I put off this paper that was due TUESDAY until TODAY right before class started at two. I gave myself an hour. An hour Tara? Seriously?

So there I am, frantically trying to get this thing finished, getting more and more frustrated with the assignment/myself. But mostly just myself. I wanted to do this on Sunday. Then Monday. Then Tuesday. Then Wednesday. And...hey look at that...I just ran out of days.

I finished it at 1:53. A shameful piece of work that will be returned to me sporting a nice crimson color all over its pages. After printing it off in the Journalism Department I hastily started walking towards the stairwell to get to my class. A guy who had printed something off just after me was walking in my same direction, with an extra persistence in his step.

We were both late.

We were both stressed.

We were both having a sub-optimal day.

We made some joke about wishing the day was over and being late for class. "You know what?" I said. "Ultimately this doesn't matter. School doesn't matter in the long run. It will all be ok." I pounded the railing for emphasis as we dashed up the stairs.


"Ok well good luck," he said. And went through the second floor door.

I bustled into my PR class. Late. Frazzled. I got all my stuff out. Situated my desk and my papers. I glanced at the board to see if I was supposed to be doing anything.

"Be still and know that I am God." Ps. 46:10

I stopped. Right there, above the agenda for the day were the words I was aching to hear. I read them again.

"Be STILL and know that I am God."

I sat back and sighed.

Point taken, thanks God.

It's Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday. Then...the day that I can actually be still. Yessss.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

let it rain.

I've never been able to juggle.

I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. There's just something about that third ball that makes me all discombobulated. And there's no way I could do 5 balls, or knives, or flaming batons, or whatever other ridiculousness people choose to juggle.

This is unfortunate because I juggle every day. On a unicycle, while jumping through hoops. I'm a clown, basically. A clown of life.

Juggling school. car problems. school. relationships. school. finances. school. family. school. fun. school. intramurals. school. growing in Christ. school. sleeping. school. following my passions. school. making future plans. school.

All up in the air. All falling down. With me running around trying to catch them and tuck them under my arm or in the crook of my neck until I can throw some back in the air again to make room for the others.

College is crazy friends. But I love it...most of the time. I hope my life is always exciting and full. But if it is I'm going to have to learn how to juggle better.

But seriously, can someone teach me how to juggle?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

the track.

This semester I have the privilege of waking up at 6:30am every Tuesday and Thursday to go to my Fitness for Life class. Tiffany Billington insisted that this was the best time to take the class, so like the good friend that I am, I agreed. Tiffany thinks I come into class every morning and glare at her. I haven't noticed, but maybe it's subconscious.

Thursday mornings are exercise days. We put this heart monitor strip around our chest and wear a watch that tells us how fast our heart is beating. Then, we set our range. We're told to stay in this range as we exercise. This basically means that you run a little to speed your heart up, and then when your heart starts beating at the top of your range, you start walking until your heart slows to the bottom of your range, and then you start running to get your heart to the top, then you start walking to get it to the bottom. So there we all are. running. walking. running. walking. There are people all over the track, but no one is exercising together because you have to stop and go by where your heart is at.

"This is the most tedious thing I've ever done," I told one of my classmates that happened to be walking at the same time.

"I know," he said. "It's like, just once you start to get going you have to stop again."

Then his watch beeped. And he ran off.


I have this friend who's been hanging out with this boy. They are "friends." They're in that stage when there's no title. He's not ready to date yet. But they're dating. Emotionally.


I have this other friend who was recently "casually dated." The only problem is that to her, it wasn't casual.


Another friend. She put all of her heart into a relationship, he couldn't quite get to where she was. Her heart breaks. His heart breaks.


Another friend. She is loved by this man. She can't bring herself to love him back. It sucks. For both parties.


Another friend. There are two of them. She can't decide. Her heart tears in two.

Run? Walk?

Another friend. He likes this girl. She likes his friend. He just got "the talk."


Another friend. She was in a relationship for a long time. But she couldn't fall in love. Now it's over. But it still hurts. Oh, how it hurts.


Another friend. She liked this boy for a long time. He decides to date her. But then decides that it's not right. Heart break.


Another friend.

Another friend.

Another friend.





So there we all are, on this track I like to call life. Everyone is running and walking at different paces, only in each others company in passing. Sometimes someone comes and walks with you, and then runs with you, and you keep that pace together for awhile, maybe forever. But then, there are those of us still running solo, trying to figure out when to walk, and when it's ok to run. Worrying that their heart is going to reach the top of its range, and they'll start to walk...leaving us still running.

I had someone say tonight with tears in her eyes, "I don't want love. I don't want it."

How could something so beautiful be so painful at the same time? When will it just, line up? How does one understand matters of the heart? Heart matters.



My dad told me once, " Just start on your journey Tara, and someday you'll look over and see someone right beside you, headed in the same direction, at the same pace."

My dad is really wise. But sometimes I wonder if he remembers being my age.