the track.

This semester I have the privilege of waking up at 6:30am every Tuesday and Thursday to go to my Fitness for Life class. Tiffany Billington insisted that this was the best time to take the class, so like the good friend that I am, I agreed. Tiffany thinks I come into class every morning and glare at her. I haven't noticed, but maybe it's subconscious.

Thursday mornings are exercise days. We put this heart monitor strip around our chest and wear a watch that tells us how fast our heart is beating. Then, we set our range. We're told to stay in this range as we exercise. This basically means that you run a little to speed your heart up, and then when your heart starts beating at the top of your range, you start walking until your heart slows to the bottom of your range, and then you start running to get your heart to the top, then you start walking to get it to the bottom. So there we all are. running. walking. running. walking. There are people all over the track, but no one is exercising together because you have to stop and go by where your heart is at.

"This is the most tedious thing I've ever done," I told one of my classmates that happened to be walking at the same time.

"I know," he said. "It's like, just once you start to get going you have to stop again."

Then his watch beeped. And he ran off.

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I have this friend who's been hanging out with this boy. They are "friends." They're in that stage when there's no title. He's not ready to date yet. But they're dating. Emotionally.

walk.

I have this other friend who was recently "casually dated." The only problem is that to her, it wasn't casual.

walk.

Another friend. She put all of her heart into a relationship, he couldn't quite get to where she was. Her heart breaks. His heart breaks.

walk.

Another friend. She is loved by this man. She can't bring herself to love him back. It sucks. For both parties.

walk.

Another friend. There are two of them. She can't decide. Her heart tears in two.

Run? Walk?

Another friend. He likes this girl. She likes his friend. He just got "the talk."

walk.

Another friend. She was in a relationship for a long time. But she couldn't fall in love. Now it's over. But it still hurts. Oh, how it hurts.

Walk.

Another friend. She liked this boy for a long time. He decides to date her. But then decides that it's not right. Heart break.

walk.

Another friend.

Another friend.

Another friend.

walk.

walk.

walk.


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So there we all are, on this track I like to call life. Everyone is running and walking at different paces, only in each others company in passing. Sometimes someone comes and walks with you, and then runs with you, and you keep that pace together for awhile, maybe forever. But then, there are those of us still running solo, trying to figure out when to walk, and when it's ok to run. Worrying that their heart is going to reach the top of its range, and they'll start to walk...leaving us still running.


I had someone say tonight with tears in her eyes, "I don't want love. I don't want it."

How could something so beautiful be so painful at the same time? When will it just, line up? How does one understand matters of the heart? Heart matters.

heart.

matters.

My dad told me once, " Just start on your journey Tara, and someday you'll look over and see someone right beside you, headed in the same direction, at the same pace."

My dad is really wise. But sometimes I wonder if he remembers being my age.