Thursday, September 24, 2009

conundrum

"I'm a simple girl."

I've uttered these words several times, just last week, actually. Sometimes I've said them in defense, sometimes when venting about complicated boys, sometimes when talking about my lifestyle, and always with pride.

I want down to earth.

I want real.

I want genuine.

But, the reality is, I'm not simple at all. I'm human. And therefore extremely complicated. I want to serve, but I'm naturally selfish. I want to accept, but I'm so good at judging. I want to be liked, but I act like I don't care if I'm not. I want close friendships, but OH how complicated those can get.

And there lies the irony. I love simplicity, but you know what else I love?

Relationships.

I love relationships
. I love connecting, that feeling of knowing and being known is absolutely irreplaceable. I'll drop almost anything to connect with the people that I care about. Because, in my mind, that's what this place is about.

But relationships are COMPLICATED. The closer you get, the more complicated things become. What a privilege it is to care so much about someone that they actually affect your emotions. But, on the flip side, what a lame thing it is to misplace that closeness and trade it in for unwanted/unneeded complication.

I love simplicity.

I love relationships.

Sometimes this does not add up.

11 comments:

  1. You are so good at relationships, Tara - at making them happen, understanding them, knowing the right thing to do. Don't give up! Complex things can be beautiful too.

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  2. I know my calculus.
    It says You + Me = Us.

    How's that for adding up?

    In more seriousness; good blogging.

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  3. AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH..................
    AAA-BBBBBBLLLLLUUUUUUUHHHHHHHAAAARRRRGGGGGG!!!!! In other words, I am also exceedingly frustrated/plagued by complications in relationships. You and I have talked about this. LOTS. But oh man, I LOVE relationships, too. We are screwed. But so blessed. Mercy.

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  4. There's growth in balance. It's a life skill that we always honing.

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  5. i love our relationship. maybe it is complicated... i don't know. but i like it. complicated boys? tell me about this... remember that time you listened to me after i talked about relationships for a long time? and then when you started talking you thought i wasn't gonna listen to you? i seriously can prove to you i'm a good listener.. seriously. I can do it.

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  6. also... all those contradictories you were talking about. So much truth...oh not you..well.. i guess you said it... but I mean for me too...and people... oh you know what i mean.

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  7. Tara, You are good at relationships. Thanks for keeping better in touch with me than I have with you! Your friendship means so much to me! I would really like to talk to you sometime soon! You are in my thoughts and prayers very often. Love you!

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  8. Tara,
    We think you are one of the best people at keeping it simple and at having relationships. We think you are amazing, and with that...You inspire us!

    Hillary and Kati

    Skype us: hillaryblaine

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  9. wow, it don´t know if i have ever heard that word before! what exactly is the defination of it, or just exactly what you wrote about? anyways sorry about your struggle, it is a tough call.. sometimes wonder too if all of my relationships are worth the stress, but in the end usually conclude that it is!

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  10. I am glad that we are in a relationship.

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  11. not sure how i am missing your blogs these days, tera. i don't think there showing up on my lists or anything. poo poo. i'm glad that you are good at relationships and that you care about them and that people can rely on you to care about THEM and that you care about caring. I don't feel like I have any of those traits. Keep doing good things and being a good being.

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