conundrum

"I'm a simple girl."

I've uttered these words several times, just last week, actually. Sometimes I've said them in defense, sometimes when venting about complicated boys, sometimes when talking about my lifestyle, and always with pride.

I want down to earth.

I want real.

I want genuine.

But, the reality is, I'm not simple at all. I'm human. And therefore extremely complicated. I want to serve, but I'm naturally selfish. I want to accept, but I'm so good at judging. I want to be liked, but I act like I don't care if I'm not. I want close friendships, but OH how complicated those can get.

And there lies the irony. I love simplicity, but you know what else I love?

Relationships.

I love relationships. I love connecting, that feeling of knowing and being known is absolutely irreplaceable. I'll drop almost anything to connect with the people that I care about. Because, in my mind, that's what this place is about.

But relationships are COMPLICATED. The closer you get, the more complicated things become. What a privilege it is to care so much about someone that they actually affect your emotions. But, on the flip side, what a lame thing it is to misplace that closeness and trade it in for unwanted/unneeded complication.

I love simplicity.

I love relationships.

Sometimes this does not add up.

put up the walls

This is where it all went down for cabin G3. It was within these drafty walls that we would meet up after a long day and talk about boys, friends, fears, and God. Throw a couples sheets over some polls, add pillows and blankets, and you've got yourself a magical haven.

I want to build a fort in our apartment this week.

I'm in need of some magic.

high temp higher spirits.

"Will you be sick with me tonight?" I pathetically asked my friends when they finally came home for lunch. I've been running a fever for about a day and a half now, and I'm sick of being sick all by myself. There's only so much you can do when you feel crummy, and even less when you're all by yourself. So my blessed girlfriends all agreed to watch a girly movie with me tonight.

We chose...The Holiday. Classic.

There's something really beautiful and exciting about watching chic flicks with only girls. We get really giggly, and mushy. There's lots of sighing, and personal commentary. We say lots of things like..."I love this part!" "look how cute they are!" "It just doesn't work that way in real life" and " They just don't make them like that in the Adventist world."

Tyler Morgan came over half way through the movie. Getting the privilege of seeing what a true girls night looks like. It was...a good night.

My body aches, but my soul feels full. This year looks so promising, filled with opportunities to grow, learn, and love. Filled with friends who make me laugh, but have depth that reaches all the way to the bone.

God never ceases to amaze me with the love He surrounds me with year after year. May I never take it for granted. Ever.

auntie tara

November. The month of comfort food, fall colors, family, and giving thanks is going to be the greatest month of the year. May was great, because I got out of school, August was good, because I came back to school and good friends. December will be exciting because it holds my birthday and Christmas, but November, that's the month. There's going to be extra laughter, lots of tears (probably mostly by my dad), and just this overwhelming sense of love. This is the month that I become an aunt. The month that my brother and sister-in-law become parents for life. And the month that my parents become GRANDparents.

Oh my soul, I can't even wait.

Addison Rae Becker, you are going to change my world.