shift

I exercised along the Puget Sound yesterday in West Seattle, on this wonderful strip of asphalt that runs right along the water. Running is always easier when you can see things to be thankful for, don't you think? Yesterday, I was motivated by the mountains that stood with an overwhelming presence just across The Sound. They were beautiful. Every once in awhile a boat would glide into the picture, going right into that place where the sun's rays were cutting through the clouds onto the water (does that 'cloud-break' ever remind you of heaven?).


Everyone was out on this, perfect-temperature-just-cloudy-enough-to-make-the-sky-pretty, evening...so people watching was at its absolute peak.


There was the 60 year-old man who had that speed-walk DOWN. I mean, he was MOVING those arms at an alarming rate!


The young couple with the poor dis-engaged boyfriend. As I approached I heard the girl say, "I just don't understand why she thinks she needs to be friends with all her exes. What have they ever done for her besides bring her drama?" (preach it sister)


Then there's the woman in her 40s who looks like life has hit her pretty hard. Her eyes are focused but pained as she passes by. Maybe it's family stuff, or marriage stuff, or job stuff. But there's something deep in her soul that's making her run that hard.


There's guy who is training for a marathon who lapped me. Twice.


Then the ultra in-shape couple with equally typical "I am an amazing athlete" t-shirts on.
The back of hers said: "The best just got better"
The back of his: "It's you verses you"


And then there's me... wondering if people wonder what my story is.


What is my story, anyway?

Well yesterday my story was a melancholy one. It consisted of low self-esteem, worry, and regret. Those days hit sometimes... the overwhelming, when will I get my !@#$% together, days. It's those days when you totally forget that you are a child of God. And that you are LOVED. Loved in the exact package that you come in, even with all the baggage you've got crammed in there.


But back to West Seattle...I'd reached the point where it was time for me to turn around and get back to the car. So I made an about-face and just immediately stopped and stared. The mountains had been beautiful, motivational even. And then I turn around and I realize that this scene will guide me all the way back...(keep in mind the picture is not doing the view of this beautiful city justice...)






ahhhhhhhhh. New perspective.

Thank God.

I've sat here for a long time trying to figure out what I want to write about. Usually I like blogging, and I'll have something that I'd like to mention or say. But tonight, I can't think of anything to write because if I wrote anything... I'd have to share something from the depths. And I just don't think I can do that on here. Shoot, I can't even do that with most friends these days.

Do you ever get that way? Where you just have these thoughts in your head that turn over and over... but you don't ever get them out? I guess maybe you introverts do. It doesn't happen often to me. You see, I'm an extrovert. And on top of that, I love relationships. I love cultivating them and investing in the ones that matter to me. And as a part of that... you have to share. You have to share in order to be shared with. Then when there's mutual sharing, mutual depth, and mutual love... you get this beautiful friendship. Anyway, so that's what I do. So it's weird not for me to share thoughts and ideas.

I will say this though. This is a really interesting summer for me in the growth department. I'm having to face some really real ignorance issues. Humility issues. Pride issues. Issues issues. I'm not good at living for God. I keep messing up. And that sucks.

this that and the other

You know when you have a full cup of soup and you're trying to walk to the table and you're just staring at your soup, making sure that it doesn't slop over? It's like you know that if you look away, your hand is instantly not going to know how steady to be. I can be walking at just the same speed, but if I'm not watching it... the soup spills.

Are we focusing on the right things?

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My friend recommended a book to me. It's called "Marry Him. The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough." Doesn't that title sound awful? 'Well hello ginormous wrecking ball. Go ahead, smash down my castle and all my nice little dreams about love and romance.' What if I'm like her someday? Forty and single doesn't sound super awesome to me. She says there's a difference between settling and compromise. I've only read a couple chapters, so I have yet to understand what she's talking about. On the upside, the book looks at finding a mate from a completely secular standpoint, which makes me feel a little better. I'm gonna leave room for God in my love story... and hopefully I'll never have to say, "I guess this is good enough." Also, I'm only 23. I am YOUNG.

I've been dance-jogging a couple more times lately. I just can't get to that place where I am TOTALLY letting go. Whenever I get to the road that has houses right next to it I turn my spastic dancing into a light head bob. Lame.

I Skyped with Wawona friends tonight. The ache in my heart for camp is intensifying... ugh. sucky. I'm doing the right thing. I know it. But being a grown-up is rough.

act for yourself

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself." -Katherine Mansfield

Something amazing happened to me yesterday. I didn't care.

It started out as a normal jog down the country road, but then this song came on... and I started to move. It started small, with some head bobbing and some quick extra fun steps here and there, then something came over me and I just thought, "Let it GO Tara." And so I did. I dance jogged all the way up and down that street. I was liberated. And it felt amazing.

One of my goals this summer is to not let fear dictate my life. If it's new, I want to try it. If it's out of my comfort zone, I'll just make my zone bigger. Life will be lived this summer. You can count on it.

officially published

I know it's been a long time since I posted... and it's probably time for an update. But, it's almost one in the morning and I've got to drive 2 1/2 hours to get to work tomorrow morning. This weekend I went to a Human Trafficking conference (which was awesome) and then drove 2 hours to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and my ADORABLE niece. And when I say adorable, I mean the absolute definition of adorable. Everything that adorable is... that's my niece. She actually IS adorable. Get it?

Anyway, what I did want to say on here (for those of you who don't know yet) is that I actually have had some work I've done published on World Vision's homepage! I get the privilege of rewriting and editing feature stories for their web page and their enewsleeter, and my first two stories got put up on Thursday.

If you would like to read them just go to worldvision.org and there's this little round flash player on the right. Click on the second and third notches and those are my stories. You'll notice that it says "Edited by Tara Becker". That's because we get stories from a database that field workers for World Vision upload their stories on to. Often times english is the writer's second language so it's not in the right order, or the sentence structure is off, etc. So my job is to put the story in a comprehensible order and add some flair and paragraphs here and there. The story is my notes that I get to go off of.

I love it though. I love what I'm doing and I love the people I'm doing it with.

This is going to be a growing summer, I can already feel it.