break the chains

I'm at a wedding in Tennessee this weekend. Well, technically Georgia. I get to be surrounded again by some of my nearest and dearest friends. The kind of friends that you can be in the car with and just sit in it. Sit in the friendship and sit in the silence--just completely content to be in each other's presence--listening to music, bobbing your head, staring out the window--doesn't matter, it's just an atmosphere of comfort.

There were a bunch of kids at the Rehearsal dinner tonight. They were everywhere, and my heart was just loving it. For you who have been around me the last year you know that I have become particularly ridiculous in this area. I don't know what happened, but ever since my niece was born something inside of me got switched on--and I am now a blubbering fool when children are around. I just want to play with them! I'm a sucker for peek-a-boo. I do it everywhere. Church, Walmart, Parking lots--no location will deter me. Children, you've got my heart!

I was thinking about this love I have for children tonight as I watched a mom wipe off the mouth of her little girl. The little girl pursed her lips and turned her head away, as if to say, "I don't care if my mouth is dirty." Another little blonde girl, pinked out, was shouting "Daddy look!" in the middle of some announcements. And then there was the rest of them, just running and playing and giggling, climbing over chairs and weaving in and out of adults. And as I watched all this happen I thought, kids are so free! They have no qualms about having a dirty face, saying when they need some attention, or running and jumping around just for the heck of it. They don't yet understand that it's embarrassing to go to the bathroom and find you've had something on your face for the whole day. They don't get that sometimes we don't vocalize what we need, and spontaneous running and jumping is, well, for kids. And I love that they don't get it! I love that they just flat don't care, or don't know that they should care.

So here's the goal--be more childish sometimes. Break the chains of self-conciousness and the overwhelming, always looming awareness that someone might not approve and just go for it--whatever it is at the moment. Eat a melted snickers without wiping your face, DANCE-JOG down the street, twirl with your arms out and face to the sky until you fall over, pee your pants, whatever. It's a little more childish, a little less chained, and a little more free. And frankly, that just sounds real nice.