Sometimes when I think about getting married I can't actually picture it happening. Not because I'm all pessimistic and boohooing that no one is ever going to love me, but because it seems so far removed. It's similar to how I feel about Heaven, unfortunately.
Today was my last day of work. No more working for the president. It's been an honor. Seriously.
I realized that I can't decide if I love or hate this cat that I live with. Mostly she frustrates the heck out of me. Like today, I was standing by the couch and she just JUMPED up, SWIPED my arm, and then bolted back under the Christmas tree. Who does that!? Why is she so evil?? But then it occurred to me that I've got a nice little place in my heart carved out for her. Weird.
My room is a mess. I haven't had the time or energy to clean it. But also, I haven't cleaned it because I've been telling myself that I'm going to be packing soon--so why don't I just wait till then? The problem is that I'm not actually leaving for another week. This is also why I haven't had any vegetables for two weeks--I didn't want to buy food if I was just going to leave. Bad. Idea.
When I was a kid my brother and I played cops and indians. It didn't occur to us that it should be different.
This will never be my home again. I don't want to go, I really don't. People keep telling me to stop saying that I'm leaving--but I've got to. I have to vocalize it and turn it over in my head so my heart doesn't rip in half when I get on that plane. I didn't know that friendships like this existed two and half years ago--and now I don't know how I will live without them.
Sometime between 7 and 9pm on Wednesday, December 15 I become part of the real world--as opposed to this fake world I've been living in. Fake, yea right. That's the last word I'd use to describe my life here.