Thursday, December 30, 2010

preferred?

I have pink eye. I'm not sure how or why it happened, but it did. I mean it is--happening. Alex Heaton says that it's the prettiest pink eye she's ever seen. She told me stories about her pink eye and how her eye was bubbly and scratchy. Gross. My eye does not bubble nor does it scratch. So that's nice.

I let out a big frustrated growl/groan today when I was getting ready. It's hard to feel attractive when you have pink eye. Pink eye means a pink-ish eye, which means one of your eyes looks weird. Pink eye means no contacts, which means glasses from eighth grade are being rocked. Pink eye means no eye makeup, which means bare eyeballs and a face that I'm not used to looking at.

I don't like that.

I don't like that I don't think people will think I'm as attractive if I'm just wearing my face. And maybe the issue is more that I don't feel as attractive if I'm not wearing makeup--and if I don't see myself as attractive then other people won't view me that way either (isn't that how it works?). We wear makeup to look better than what we really look like? Does anyone else see how this is strange?

I've had a couple friends, and me too, go for periods of time without makeup. Just to kind of--I don't know--take a stand against the ridiculousness of it all. Those are interesting experiences. Interesting because you get vibes when your face is naked like that, especially from guys, if I'm being honest. You just get treated a little differently. A girl told me once that she felt like the guy who was interested in her preferred her wearing makeup.

And that, my friends, sucks.

It sucks to feel like the natural you isn't the preferred you. When being goofy and finally letting loose is received with odd, maybe even annoyed, looks. When talking about computer software and the level you're on in World of Warcraft somehow makes you less worthy of people's time (guilty). And when not knowing enough about politics, social justice, tofu, sports, books, history, celebrities, God, or The Beatles means that you somehow are less...something.
Because, really, that's who you are--and that should be ok.


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13 comments:

  1. ring ring ring ring! you hit it on the nose withthis blog. you are so beautful tara becker--that hair and those eyes, that personality and that HEART! all of it. miss ya!

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  2. DOWN WITH MAKEUP! Dude, your pinkeye is pretty, I agree with Alex. When I had it, it wasn't bubbly or scratchy, either, but it was in both eyes and the whites of my eyes were like blood red and I looked like a vampire.

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  3. Last time you wore those glasses in the day, someone thought you were pretty attractive.

    (Sorry to make a joke about a serious blog. But I think you already know my serious feelings on this topic.)

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  4. Amanda, I don't know if it was as much of him thinking I was attractive as it was that I was a single female--and he hadn't filled his awkward quota for the year.

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  5. Ok, first of all you already know how I feel about your beautiful hair, AND face. Second, let's have a skype chat soon please!!!

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  6. I meant to write that I have much to say about this topic after my skype comment, but I got really excited about talking on skype that I forgot.

    -_-

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  7. what do I say as a guy that doesn't make me sound like I'm just trying to say the right thing because of all the girls reading this blog? and what do I say, on the other hand, not to be the toolish type of male that had a part in inspiring it? I'll say what's in my heart, and that is, I struggle with these feelings too. Not about makeup, but more because I'm not very buff and I feel like I should be. there, I said it, and I hope its in the spirit of things...

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  8. You can ask Chelsea, I prefer week two of camp, after people have started to lose grip on the trivialities of life. It is a good exercise when we are forced to let go of cell phones, toilets, showers, make-up, or luxuries without our consent. It pushes us beyond and helps us to realize what Solomon so clearly outcried as vanities. You look fantastic.

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  9. I had pink eye once. No bubbles...but definitely itchy and scratchy. Thanks for your thoughts. They are important. Very important. You are beautiful Tara, inside and out.

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  10. oh man..so good tara! thanks for the thoughts

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  11. i've never had pink eye, but i have had a stye. which is an infection in your eyelid. and mine was about the size of an almond. filled with pus. too far? disgusting? well it was on my birthday. and i felt like a hideous beast.

    also, i agree with schnell, and handal, and jones.

    but I'm not sure how to feel about the references to my brother.

    finally, you know how i feel about makeup. though i AM guilty of feeling superior when people talk video games. and inferior when they talk about how cars work.

    but i'll tell you about the Beatles if you want.

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  12. I like this on so many different levels. So many great discussions can come from it. I want to be me, I want to be comfortable with the 'pink eye' look and I want to know everything about everything so I will never feel left out. To much? Maybe, but it helps when I have friends who feel the same way and we can encourage each other to be real too.

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  13. I used to like pink a lot...maybe I would have liked pink eye...maybe I have even had it...darn memory.

    make-up...too many thoughts are swirling in my head to try and separate them into an understandable comment. But...nope...we'll talk about this sometime when we skype.

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